I’ve been feeling my grief lately more internally. Less like the Grief Monster I envisioned those first few months, less like something outside of myself, or something larger than myself that could consume me. Grief runs through my veins, like oxygen, like water. Yesterday was Joseph’s six month stillbirthday, and I felt him in my heart. Sometimes a warm light, sometimes a little too hot it burns, sometimes a secret tender place.
But I still think of my Grief Monster. It has been useful to personify Grief. Below is my original charcoal rendering. Clearly, it wasn’t enough to draw one, because on different days, I have a different relationship with Grief. Sometimes she is protective (those sharp teeth can keep others at bay). Sometimes she is menacing. Sometimes I get the best of her and can control her. Sometimes I want to escape. Other times she won’t let me in.
© Burning Eye