Lifeboat

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A is my lifeboat. A lot of babylost mamas say their spouse is their rock, but a rock is too hard, too rough, too heavy to be a metaphor for A. So I say she is my lifeboat. It is because I have her that I know I will live. Because we love each other, cling to each other, I know we will survive. We are both soft, bouyant, both adrift in this sea of grief.

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In this one, we are afloat in a bathtub. One evening when I could do nothing else, she held me in the bath.

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Little by little, I have overcome certain fears. Fear of leaving the house. Fear of running into someone I know. Fear of being asked where the baby is. Little by little, I have connected with other babylost parents, and I don’t feel so alone. Now, in this sea of grief where A and I embrace on our raft, there are other rafts, too. There is company in this lonely journey.

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© Burning Eye

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One thought on “Lifeboat

  1. Such beautiful poignant work. Thank you for sharing it.

    I am always the “rock” in our relationship, which has completely sucked when I’ve been crushed into pebbles and dust.

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